The free MySpace Franz show had me thinking…
I’ve developed this theory that anything you write on MySpace instantly becomes 150% more idiotic just by the mere fact that you are writing it on MySpace. Example? When you type “E = MC2” into your profile it is automatically is converted into “1 + 2 = 3” by a backend computer program, I swear!
You ever look at the profile of someone you don’t know and just go, “Holy crap, this person is an IDIOT!” Then have you gone and looked at your own profile and read it as if you didn’t know yourself and realize, “Oh my lord, I sound like a dipsh-t!”
Is there a way of creating a MySpace profile that doesn’t make you look pathetic to a stranger? I think it’s humanly impossible. Maybe if you didn’t write anything…but then it would just look like you don’t have any interests or worse, someone would base their opinion on you by the inside joke comments your friends left–which are usually 10x worse than anything you could write about yourself.
Basically reading a stranger’s MySpace profile is like watching a WB teen drama, you’re almost immediately disgusted, but you cannot look away. You start learning things about these tiny little icon people…where they grew up, where they went to school, where they work, what they watch on TV, etc.
Then you end up clicking on their friend’s pages and so on and so on in the pursuit of finding some substance in the midst of a never-ending catalogue of vanity until you end up staring at A) a picture of an unidentifiable body part or B) a grainy, greenish self-portrait of a 14-year-old emo kid looking at his/herself on the computer screen. It is at that point that you get so sick to your stomach that you close the browser, run to the bathroom, dry heave and wash your eyes out with soap.
Then you log on the next day and do the same exact thing all over again.
DAAAMMMNNN YOUUUUU MYYYSSPPAACCCCCE!