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Friday, December 19, 2003
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LOTS OF BRITISH MUSIC GEEKS, HOT YOUNG BOYS, AND CANADIANS!!!
Radio 1 staff picture for 2003; The Coral speak; best record label name: Secretly Canadian
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WHY GOD, WHY?
Why god, have you created a boy like Sondre Lerche -- he makes all others look so pathetic. He loves Beyonce, Kylie, and Kelis. We will marry Sondre. Well... that's only if we could actually speak to him, instead of running away and hiding. *Blushes like a 13-year-old girl*
Oh, and Ryan Adams = Way cute. (Link from Ultragrrrl.) Brilliant: "I am only missing a pocket protector and a wedgie." Also, we swear we didn't start this thread.
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IT'S ALMOST CRUNCH TIME
Less than one week to express-ship us Christmas presents: http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/QMSP8ET63KHT
Thursday, December 18, 2003
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THE MODERN AGE THAT ONCE WAS
It's almost New Year's. It's time for nostalgia. Yo, remember when we used to blog awesome? Ah, memories.
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A TALE OF TWO CITIES
And they just happen to be our two favorite in the world: New York and London. NYCLondon.com. More on the "Best of British Blogging" from The Guardian via PlasticBag.org.
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SAFETY IN NUMBERS
The entire staff of the Metro Times bans together to try to take a jab at Jack White (Link from Whatevs):
But this is hardly the first time White's temper has gotten the best of him. Whispers about White's violent outbursts have been in circulation around the incestuous Detroit rock scene for quite some time, though you'd be hard-pressed to get aspiring musicians to go on the record about it. There was the altercation between White and the Sights' drummer Dave Shettler a couple years ago in the Garden Bowl. The scuffle had something to do with someone using White's favorite bowling ball. In England, White reportedly flew into a jealous rage and kicked Ninjitsu moves on Dolf de Datsun after finding out Datsun was doing his old squeeze.
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NEWS FLASH: GIRLS LOVE PORN
Scientific study proves what Captain Obvious couldn't have told you: Females enjoy watching hard-core porn. Stimulating. I wonder what it's like to be the guy/girl who has to attach the monitors to the subjects genitals.
Related links: Belle du Jour talks about the pros and cons of different types of penises; Straight Man's Guide to Enjoying Gay Sex (link from PlasticBag.org); Gossip is the new porn; "In Search of Erotic Intelligence"; Lindsayism's list of porn titles for 2003 movies.
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BLOGS DO NOT EQUAL HUMANS
Those of you that live in New York will be familiar with the Horseshoe Bar -- known to hipsters as "7B." A bar currently best known for being a place frequented by local luminaries such as The Strokes... but also featured in The Godfather II, and Crocodile Dundee. But there is a lesser known fact we discovered last night at (our beloved) Sarah's birthday party is that Conan O'Brien bartends there.
OK, not really. But we swear to god, if you go there, and a guy named Steve is your bartender you will see what we mean. And seriously, this wasn' t like us being piss-drunk with beer goggles on -- STEVE, BARTENDER AT 7B LOOKS JUST LIKE CONAN O'BRIEN... but like if Conan had a smaller head and dressed like a hipster dude. Swear. We have others willing to confirm our story.
Last night someone said something that caused us to gasp in horror -- Someone brought "blogspeak" into the real world. It was totally bizarre. We never thought we'd have a conversation in which we would ask, "Can anyone explain to me what fucking language Whatevs is posting in? Because it's not English." The person sitting to our immediate right said, "Yeah, what's a 'griz' anyway? And 'obvs'?!?" None of us had answers -- just really sheepish expressions on our faces BECAUSE WE WERE TALKING ABOUT BLOGS AT A FUCKING BAR. The person sitting across from us told us that they have started using the term "no buzz" in real life. Like "I went to the sushi place to have dinner. No buzz." WHAT THE HELL? Seriously, shouldn't there be a law against speaking like a blog you read? It's totally insane! We shouted, "Ohmygod, I can't believe you just talked about a blog as if it were a person. You're fucking retarded." BLOGS ARE NOT HUMAN!
Other great things that happened last night: More look-a-like talk when Jenny pointed out that Dan looks like Topher Grace, Jew Lew rattled off a list of teenage boys that she knew, we saw Robbie "I am More than a Trucker Hat" Shef, and we decided that being Jude Law's ugly younger sister was worse than being Jude Law's ugly younger brother. (The rationalization was that if you were the ugly brother, you'd get all of Judes nookie leftovers. We thought it would be worse to be his sister, but that's only because we find it hard to get into the starfucker mentality. Apparently starfuckers will fuck just about anyone remotely famous. Like whatever girls Steve-O and Preston talk about on the Jackass: The Movie DVD commentary. For the life of us, we can't figure out who'd want to fuck Steve-O (due to the fact that he must have about 10,000 STDs) or Preston (due to the fact he's the size of a MAC truck -- his wee-wee must look freggin' TINY), but we were assured that starfuckers would totally do it. "They're not even BOLD FACE!," we argued, but apparently some folks just don't have the same standards.), split vote on who's hotter: Bam Margera or Ryan Dunn. Ultra and Jenny went for Bam, Dan and I went for Ryan. "But Ryan Dunn is so cute!" cooed Dan; Spike Jonze is our new boyfriend.
Spinning on the 7B sound system last night: Kings of Leon, White Stripes, The Strokes, Ben Kweller, Metalica
Related links: Field Guide to the Urban Hipster; Field Guide to North American Males; Weblog glossary; Snobbery
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
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LONDON-HO!
The Strokes live in London; Behind the scenes with the best gossip hounds from Heat, Popbitch, and other great guilty pleasures; Evil forces unite; Bai Ling lets one (nip) slip.
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WHITE STRIPE DRESSES FELLOW DETROIT ROCKER IN BLACK AND BLUE
Holy CRAP! Jack sure packs a mean punch! Images taken of Jason Stollsteimer after being released from Detroit Receiving Hospital reveal the kind of ass-kicking Jack is capable of. This is all getting a little bit too Tommy and Pam for us. No one from the White Stripe camp has called out the "publicity for my new album" card yet, but we wouldn't be surprised if some backlash comes about from this. Wonder how Ryan Adams feels to be no longer the concentrated source of Jack White's wrath. Luckily Ryan was smart enough to stay arms length from Jack "The Jabber" White. Dear Jesus! We can help but feel that we have played some horrible part in re-igniting this rivalry... We know how jealous Jack gets when we start gagging over other bands from Detroit that aren't the White Stripes or Whirlwind Heat... but even we think he's gone a bit too far this time. Hey, come to think of it, Jack punched out David Swanson's front tooth the same night we saw them in San Diego... hmmm... Unbelievable linkage from Whatevs.
Statement from the Von Bondies Management:
Stollsteimer was violently attacked by Jack White of the White Stripes without warning or provocation. White approached Stollsteimer during the concert, physically forcing him against the speakers, and began shouting. Stollsteimer attempted to turn his head [to] face White but refused to engage in conversation. Visibly angered by Stollsteimer's unwillingness to argue or fight, White spat into Stollsteimer's face and punched him in the head and face repeatedly. White then forced Stollsteimer to the ground and continued his attack until White was restrained by several crowd members.
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THE MODERN AGE GOES INTO STALKER MODE
We're sorry, but we have to do tell this story. Anytime we're around a group of people and there's karaoke involved, we survey the crowd and decide which person in the room we think has a hidden karaoke talent. We look for someone unassuming (AKA -- someone not wearing gold chains, sporting *bling*, cowboy hats, etc etc) and decide "Yes, that person has a hidden karaoke talent."
We did such a thing this weekend at Jinners early birthday party. We picked out a person who seemed mild-mannered from a distance. Granted, we only scan the crowd and don't do a detailed character study before making up our mind -- it's not exactly down to a science. You could describe this person as vaguely looking like a young Jarvis Cocker -- a lanky white guy with brown hair and thick-framed glasses (which basically describes half of Brooklyn).
We pointed him out to the one and only Ultragrrrl, and said, "Ohmygod -- if THAT guy did karaoke, it would be amazing!" She probably said something like, "Totally." We pursued this conversation no further. But then...
During the midst of the party Anna took the mic and announced that a very special guest would be performing a "Mister Mike Reddy!" And lo-and behold, it was the very same young Jarvis who we'd picked out earlier.
We can't even remember what he sang, but what we do remember was bowling over with laughter because he was so fantastic. Said Ultra, "You totally called it." We were like, "Woah. We totally did." It was so awesome.
This Officially Creepy Post was brought to you by memory reconstruction. We apologize if we scare Mike Reddy in the process. Thanks.
Monday, December 15, 2003
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OTHER THINGS THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND
We embarrassed ourselves and made people run for the hills by singing karaoke all night long at Jinners early birthday party; Saddam was captured -- which we texted to everyone at like 9AM on Sunday; We watched like 3 episodes of "Rich Girls" back-to-back and watched the episode of "Viva La Bam" where they do the scavenger hunt. We no longer have a crush on Bam Margera... but we've now got one on Ryan Dunn; We wore 3-inch boots all weekend and now our footsies hurt; Unicorns are special; We discovered that Michael Pitt is modeling fancy accessories with Amber Valetta (Link from Beat Royalty); Justin Timberlake picks only items featuring himself for his Amazon.com Wish List; The Observer puts together a weird Best of 2003 list; Sondre Lerche's Christmas Countdown still continues. He's still adorable; NME Strokes gallery; Vote for the 2004 NME Awards (Being held on our day of old).
Ben Lee's Claire Danes-free Fotolog. Link from Bidi.
Best slogan ever: "Rockstar Helper: Go to Eleven"
Also... We saw the "Hobbits" (AKA - Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Dominic, and that other guy with the funny accent) at a screening of Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. The best was when Sean told the story about how Harry Connick Jr. has a snorting problem. Apparently if you make a snorting sound around Harry, he has a Pavlovian dog desire to ALSO make a snorting sound. So he'll snort back, and then ask you to stop making snorting sounds. Er... But the movie was totally enjoyable! And we only had to pee once through the 3 1/2 hour-long movie. BTW -- Anyone who goes to the Beekman Theater on 2nd Avenue and 66th Street, is it just us, or are the women's toilets INCREDIBLY LOW TO THE GROUND? For about 5 seconds we were trying to figure out if we'd gone into the wrong bathroom and were looking at really weird urinals... that or we were in Italy; Mmm... Viggo.
Music of the moment: Cold Mountain soundtrack, V/A
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ROCKER SOCK 'EM
Ah, our two biggest obsessions of last week, Jack White and The Von Bondies, collided once again -- litterally. According to a Detroit police report filed by VB lead singer, Jason Stollsteimer, Jack punched him at a Brendan Benson concert. Jack says it was self-defense. The real question is when did Jack legally change his last name to "White"? Links from Laura Coaxme and Whatevs.
BTW -- Why does Jack look so freaking scary?
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