Friday, December 12, 2003

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YOU MEAN THEY'RE NOT NATURAL BLONDES?

Nicky and Paris Hilton's yearbook pictures. RELATED LINK: "In Defense of Paris Hilton"

MY MY, IS THAT A SPECIAL PACKAGE?

Images from the banned/recalled Abercrombie and Fitch Christmas 2003 magalogue. Boobs and bare bottoms abound!

GAY BOYFRIEND

We've got no comment for this all-too true video. Link from Stereogum.

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COLD MOUNTAIN COMES ALIVE WITH MUSIC AND GWYNNIE GIGGLES ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK

Santa came early and dropped a Cold Mountain soundtrack in our mailbox. It's a great soundtrack and Jack White sounds NOTHING like he does when he sings with the White Stripes. Probably because he's singing normally and not doing that gratting clipped voice he does for rock songs. (It's almost as if he and Ryan Adams switch identies -- Jack's becoming a sensitive acoustic singer and Adams has gone electric.)

Jack has 5 new recorded tracks on the album (but only one of the tracks is an original song -- 3 are traditional folk songs and one is a cover of "Sittin' On Top of the World"... there's also a scary picture of Jack looking like a Civil War vet on the inside of the CD.) Good times.

In totally unrelated news...

Picture Gwyneth laughing

The world's media may be helping to pay for Gwyneth Paltrow's Hawaiian honeymoon. Sources tell us that Paltrow and her new hubby, Chris Martin, orchestrated the so-called paparazzi pictures of them leaving her Park Ave. gynecologist's office last week. The secret photographer, we hear, is none other than fashion and fine art shutterbug Taryn Simon - who happens to be dating Gwyneth's brother, director Jake Paltrow.

Says our snitch: "Taryn's first foray into paparazzi-dom was at Gwyneth's request, as a way to take control of the coverage." The pics are believed to have fetched as much as $150,000 worldwide. People magazine is said to have paid around $50,000 for the U.S. rights alone.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

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WHY HAVEN'T WE BEEN LISTENING TO THIS SONG OUR ENTIRE LIFE????!

Holy crap -- the Von Bondies have singlehandly renewed our faith that someone is still making great music. Their new single, "C'mon C'mon," off their new album, Pawn Shoppe Heart is so freaking fantastic we don't know what to do with ourselves. It's 10x better than anything they ever recorded with Jack White.

They've also got a new Web site... and apparently they rip off Laura Coaxme... but we can't get angry about it... that song is just so fucking good. It tips it's hat to the rock of yore, but still manages to sound modern. It doesn't have that same "garage rock" sound that older Von Bondies recordings have... The guitar and drumming parts are harshly rock like Nirvana, the basslines sound like Joy Division (and one distorted guitar chord progression at the end sounds just like one on "She's Lost Control"), Jason's vocals are pure De-troit (and he DOES have one of the greatest modern-day rock voices), but Marcie and Carrie add a fantastic Ronettes feel to the mix. It's like they took everything we've ever loved about music and put it in one song.

We've always loved The Von Bondies, but they've kinda fallen off our radar... but after listening to the two new tracks we are fully endorsing that you become a rabid Von Bondies fan as well. We're actually quite livid about the fact that no one has been beating us over the head telling us that we need to listen to the new Von Bondies record. (Which someone at Sire/Electra should send us ASAP.)

Also on the new album is our favorite Von Bondies song, "Been Swank."

If the release of this album doesn't make them stars, something is wrong with the world.

RELATED LINKS: Our Von Bondies galleries: 1, 2, 3; Von Bondies fansite; Dimmak Records; Essential reading for the Detroit scene: Grunnen Rocks

Oh, and here's the correct link to buy us stuff: http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/QMSP8ET63KHT

We also watched Melana and Jason on The Ellen Show today... but we'll spare you the details.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

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HARD CORE PLASTIC PORN

Check out this hilarious Barbie doll re-creation of the Paris Hilton sex tape. Link via Fleshbot.

On the same site, the gorgeous Maja of The Sounds describes the difference between Swedish men and American dudes: "Swedish men are definitely more drunk. American men are bigger "in every way" and they are a bit more in your face. Like, 'Do you need a groupie tonight?'"

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

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A COUPLE THAT CREST WHITE STRIPS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER

Melana just talked about how she's going to change Jason's beauty regime... implimenting eyebrow waxing (thereby banishing the BB Mak brow), Crest White Strips, and a new wardrobe. Jason insisted that he no longer lives with his parents. And at the rate Melana was talking with Leno, watch out Kelly Ripa -- we think you've got a challenger for short perky blonde chatty cat of the month! (Jason is the only reality TV contestant we've ever found attractive. God bless him.)

RELATED LINK: Forshadowing in Average Joe promo shots? If you look at this picture of the last 6 contestants, you'll notice they are lined up in the order they were eliminated... those furthest from Melana get kicked off the earliest. (Oh, and the dude on the far left -- if you didn't see the episode -- he cried when he was kicked off. Loser.)

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WHAT WE ATE TODAY

Jumbo Lump Crab Cakes from Cafe Centro. Mmm. Tasty!

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OK, PROMISE NOT TO ASK HOW WE FOUND THIS

In breaking celebrity news, Ashton Kutcher and P. Diddy are compatible in the following percentages: Physical 63% Emotional 58% Intellectual 46% Overall 56%. And Paris Hilton's public presence is "purgatory"... and watch out -- her physical biorythm skyrockets to 100%... today! Hilary Duff better run and hide. More amazing truths uncovered in celebrity biorhythms.

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NATALIE'S FASHION FAUX PAS PART 5,803

Someone shoot the stylist! In this week's second horrible image of Natalie, she channels Madonna's old eyebrows, Betty Boop's hairstyle, and the overall dreadful taste of Juliette Binoche's Oscar flapper dress mishap. (Renee, we know you're beefing up for Bridget Jones, but for the love of God, throw this girl an extra chicken wing!)

In related news, Kiera Knightly, who was Natalie's double in The Phantom Menace, says she and Nat don't really look like each other anymore... Well in terms of bad fashion, we think they are still on the same page. (Hats didn't work for Ashton, they're not working for you either.)

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WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY WE BOTHER TAKING QUIZZES... WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWERS

YOU KNOW YOU'RE INDIE. LET'S SUB-CATEGORIZE



You're a New York City Trendster. All of the bands you like are from New York or sound like it. You're probably the least indie, but still pretty cool. I mean, despite our backlash, we love these bands too. And yes, Julian Casablancas is hot.

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IN CASE YOU DIDN'T REALIZE... THE WHITE STRIPES ARE COMPLETELY NUTS

Fashion tragedies abound on the White Stripes European adventure. Remember when Jack used to stick to just red t-shirt on red pants or white t-shirt on red pants and owned a pair of scissors (see right)? Remember when Meg did the same? Meg is pulling from Priscilla Presley's old closet and Jack apparently thinks he's a living Rene Magritte painting. (That, or an indie Michael Jackson.) Link from Whatevs.

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WE LOVE AVERAGE JOE AGAIN

After a full day of carefully monitoring as much Average Joe coverage as we could (One AP Wire report, a New York Times article, a "Today Show" appearance, a snippet interview on Access Hollywood, an NBC episode recap, and tonight -- an appearance on Leno) we've decided we fully endorse Melana's decision to go with pretty-boy Jason.

Melana, a former All-American Scholar and cousin to Puddle of Mudd singer Wes, said in an interview with Access Hollywood that she didn't want to be a "cliche" and just pick the guy with the money. "He has nothing, I know that," said Melana of her mini-Abercrombie facsimile Jason, "but neither do I. I went with my heart." (Or something close to that.)

Although Melana liked Adam a great amount, she would never be able to feel for him in the way she knew he deserved. She would never feel passionate about him... so she chose the man she thought she had the most chance with having a relationship with.

Here's something to chew on: What would have happened if Melana picked Adam? Would y'all be celebrating how the pretty boy got dumped... just because you like to see attractive people suffer? How cold-hearted. If she picked Adam, you'd be bitching right now about how she just chose him because he had the money. Or that she did it to make for good TV. "Oh gimmie a break! That would never happen in real life!," you'd cry if she told Jason to hit the road.

The reason you have to support Melana's choice is because she completely validates all the cock-eyed decisions you've ever made in your own love life. All the times you've made life more difficult for yourself because you thought love could keep the two of you afloat. Her decision represents youth, hope, and a better tomorrow. And although you might not initially feel good about her decision, you have to admit -- it is sorta romantic. And it's real... it's American for christsake!

It's a real fact that Americans love a good romance -- the feeling of being swept off their feet... of finding that "special someone" that encapsulates everything you've always wanted. But Melana couldn't have it all -- she had to choose: Pretty Pauper or Loaded Joe. The one who made her heart race or the one who her mom would approve of. And c'mon, do you really want to see a beauty fall for an "average joe"? Lord no! Do you know what this would force goodlooking people across the country to start dating "average" looking people... as long as they were wealthy?

We'd like to personaly thank Melana for setting a great example of not settling for the less-than-drool-worthy. Our future (and past) supermodel/actor/musician/cute-but-worthless boytoys also thank you for maintaining the status quo. Like, punch your own weight.

RELATED LINKS: New York City Craigslist MC becomes breeding ground for swingin' singles looking for Adam Mesh; "Adam Mesh" becomes an adjective: "You are very Adam Mesh-y in your sentiments. Sweet and genuine."

Monday, December 08, 2003

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WE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS

For some reason, two bands we know are battling against each other to play a Suicidegirls show. We shrug. Link from the self-promoting Bryan.

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! TV MAKES US FEEL UGLY

THE FINAL EPISODE OF AVERAGE JOE!!!

Melana picked Jason "How's My Hair?" Peoples. Gold-digging New York Metro singles start hanging out at Adam Mesh's bar, Nectar. (Watch out -- the Mooney Suzuki were "spotted" there!)

We hate reality TV for making us feel as shallow as we think we are. WE HATE YOU NBC! WE HATE THAT WE'D PROBABLY PICK JASON TOO BECAUSE HE WAS WAY PRETTY (but short)... EVEN THOUGH ADAM WAS AMAZING AND FUNNY AND RICH AND RICH AND RICH... GOD DAMNIT!

We're never watching TV again. We hate it... WE HATE AMERICA AND WE HATE HOW THINGS END SO FREAKING PREDICTABLE!!!!!! WE REFUSE TO WATCH AVERAGE JOE 2: HAWAII!!!

Eh. Well... Jason was really hot... Can you blame her? On a side note: Jason should really wear his hair down. He looks like 10x cuter when it's down (like when he was getting ready for elimination night) than with it spiked. We think Melana only told Jason once how pretty he is in the last episode.

Average Joe is evil because it is a document of all the evil we know is inside of us. Here's Adam -- he's funny, he's kind, he's thoughtful, he's caring, he's confident in who he is, he's RICH, he's stable. Here's Jason -- he's ... not offensive, he's really pretty, he's a little confused, he's insecure, he's... REALLY PRETTY. It only goes to show you, it's the nature of women to want to try to go for the fixer-upper when she could have the ready made order... as long as the fixer-upper has a beautiful exterior. Then when she makes it "work," it becomes this "I loved him even though he was poor and had no ambition" story... either that or the "I dumped this pretty, dumb loser" story. Adam, we all know, has the classic "I love you as a friend" story. Women are so fucking peculiar.

RELATED LINKS: Read more about rich Adam Mesh in Fortune (click here for another article) and read about his trading company, Chimera Capital; Check out Melana's high school yearbook pictures; Recent interview with Adam.

Oh, did we mention how hot Jason is?

Er... The Simple Life is on tomorrow, isn't it? Ehh... Reality TV is amazing!

Oh, btw- the mp3s are working now. Sorry about that.

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SAVING THE WORLD, ONE CHILD AT A TIME

Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow take preventative measures against their spawn being born a bastard-child.

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CHICAGO: THE NEXT GENERATION

Natalie is offically on a string of "what was she thinking" fashion faux paus. She realizes that her face isn't quite as thin as it used to be in her Professional days, right? Sorry, this is just dreadful. Meanwhile, Renee ate someone.

Sunday, December 07, 2003

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TIS THE SEASON

Ryan Adams' cover of The Strokes', "Last Nite." [RIGHT CLICK, SAVE AS]

The Strokes, "Postmodern Girls." [RIGHT CLICK, SAVE AS]

As a thank you, buy us stuff.

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GOOD GIRL, UNTIL YOU MET A BAD BOY

Junior Senior US tour diary; Fab and Albert of The Strokes on Radio 1; Oh and why is the drummer from The Donnas in a Target commercial?; Ryan Adams and Coldplay signed Zoo York deck

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HOUSE OF JEALOUS LOVERS

French artist, Sophie Calle's life's work is centered upon her own loves and disappointments.