You’ve Lived In London Too Long When…

In case you didn’t realize, it is officially “Laura Wishes She Was in Europe” week. Ben went off with the band to do an abbreviated European tour, the White Stripes just played the Astoria last night, dear Jen was talking about how she’d like to see Travis in London or Glasgow in March and both Jen and Amanda were on about how their getting out of this god forsaken country and going overseas next semester to study abroad in London. It’s not fair. I want to go.

I really need to get myself home. I miss everyone.

Look what I nicked off of Rob in London (can you tell this London fixation is getting bad?):

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN IN LONDON TOO LONG?
– You say “the City” and expect everyone to know which one.
– You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton.
– You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can’t find Dorset on a map.
– Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
– You step over people who collapse on the Tube (or in our the case, you DO collapse on the tube)
– You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
– You’ve considered stabbing someone.
– Your door has more than three locks.
– You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
– You call an 8′ x 10′ plot of patchy grass a garden.
– You consider Essex the “countryside”. You think Hyde Park is “nature”.
– You’re paying 1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it’s a “bargain”.
– Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia.
– You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent.
– You haven’t seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went camping as a kid.
– You haven’t heard the sound of true absolute silence since you left home, and when you did, it terrified you.
– You pay 3 pounds without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.
– You actually take fashion seriously.
– Being truly alone makes you nervous.
– You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
– The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.
– You’re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
– You haven’t cooked a meal since helping mum the last Christmas you were at home with the turkey.
– Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
– 50 pounds worth of groceries fit in one plastic bag.
– You have a minimum of five “worst cab ride ever” stories.
– You don’t hear sirens anymore.
– You’ve mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city’s air quality and what it’s doing to your lungs.
– You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.
– Your cleaner is Russian, your grocer is Somali, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Philippino, your bartender is Australian, your favourite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsagent is Indian and your favourite falafel guy is Egyptian.
– You wouldn’t want to live anywhere else until you get married.

I Can’t Believe I’m Saying This…Charlotte Church Rocks…and Other Random Stuff

From Indiana… it’s the Albert Hammond Jr. show!

The quizzes on Acting Straight weren’t nearly as funny or good as they should have been. I’ll stick to eMode and The Spark, thank you very much.

Dear lord. I never thought I’d say it, but Charlotte Church freaking ROCKS! Read:

The first to feel the force of Charlotte’s acid tongue was former mop-topper Beatle Sir Paul McCartney. Asked about the World Trade Center attacks, Charlie told Metro: “There was Paul McCartney saying: ‘I witnessed the crash’. Who cares? Thousands witnessed it.”

And poor old Britney Spears didn’t escape her remarks either. Although Charlotte admitted that she thought Britney was “great” she also said: “There is a contradiction in the way she says she is going to keep her virginity and then sings ‘I’m A Slave For U’.”

Congrats to Sigur Ros for winning the $10,000 prize for the worst named award ever, the US Shortlist Music Prize. “Mercury Prize” has such a better ring to it.

Oh, and who else thinks Ryan Adams broke his right hand while he while trying to dislodge the big stick up his … ahem?

Look, it’s Eddie. And Cate, lovely as always.

Kate and Sam Mendes. Yow!

Heathrow, I miss you so much. Go ahead, add a terminal… will they have to make up new tube stop maps to include T5?

Hurry up, you can still enter this contest to write a caption for everyone’s favorite Presidential turkey treat!

And is it me, or is Reuters getting racy with its practically hard-core porn pictures? Just ’cause it’s old doesn’t mean it’s still not porn!

Moldy Peaches Manana!

Hey Sarwat, remember the boat to Belgium when we were waiting for food on that line that never moved and that little blond boy told his mummy, “We’ve been waiting for AGES!”? I was just thinking about that right now. And how I miss Europe.

The Moldys are tomorrow. I will let everyone know if 1) I think Adam Green does look like Julian Casablancas 2) If I think he’s really 20.

Who Knew Moldy Peaches Were So Tasty?

The Nintendo Game Cube. Otherwise known as “One Way To Become the Most Popular Person In Your Building.”

Hyperventilated today. I’ll explain further after Wed.

Julian Casablancas + Beck + DNA = Adam Green… who is ONLY 20 YEARS OF AGE! It’s a crime. Thou shalt not covet anti-folk stars younger than yourself.

I still love this interview Kimya did with Crud Magazine. Notice how she pulls a “White Stripe” and claims Fabrizio Moretti is her cousin.

Oh, if he only knew. Jules… way back in the day of Reading; “No, no, I�m glad we played on the Main Stage � there�s a lot of people here and you don�t want to see fans getting crushed. That�s not very cool.”

“He Beats Me Because He Loves Me” and Other This Muttered at a Strokes Show

In the John Stossel “Give Me A Break,” category… from Splendid. Can’t we think of more clever rumors?:


Were you near the stage when media darlings The Strokes played in Chicago? Did you notice the fan directly in front of the stage, taunting frontman Julian Casablancas by calling out requests for Kraftwerk’s “The Model”, Madonna’s “Vogue” and other runway-inspired tunes? And did you notice when that fan was oh-so-discreetly escorted backstage and beaten within an inch of his life? Most industry insiders know that Casablancas has an artistic temperament, and thinks that his punk rock image depends upon his being thought of as “just plain folk”, despite the fact that daddy John is a big and somewhat controversial name in the modeling business — but beating up fans? Puh-leeze, that went out with Sunny Day Real Estate…

Jack Black vs. Jack White

I just realized. Jack Black, action hero. Jack White, rock hero. I wonder what Jack Red, Blue and Green are doing. Probably rockin’ out somewhere.

You know what else? I figured out who Jack White’s voice reminds me of. The enjoyable Vince Vaughn. Both of them need to be on Ritalin. Bless.

Music of the Moment: “Screwdriver,” The White Stripes (John Peel Session); “Push It,” Stereo Total; “Since I Left You,” The Avalanches; “A Stroke of Genius,” Christina Aguilera vs. The Strokes, “Tie Up My Hands,” Starsailor.