Chris Martin Continues Bad Naming Streak with “Viva La Vida”

“Loca” on the side, please! Coldplay has just announced the title of their new album, which is to be called er… “Viva la Vida”, which translates to “Long live life,” a quote from Mexican painter Frida Kahlo.

Of course the name not only congers up images of the vivacious Mexican artist, but also that of another Latin sensation, one mister Ricky Martin who’s pop hit “Living la Vida Loca” skyrocketed to the top of the charts in 1999. Said Chris Martin to Rolling Stone, “Everyone thinks it comes from Ricky Martin, which is fine. I have absolute respect.”

This is not the first time Martin (er… Chris, not Ricky) has made some interesting name choices–his children’s names are “Apple” and “Moses.” He and Gwyneth Paltrow‘s unborn third child will be thankful that Chris got his Spanish-language infatuation out with this album title. (Surely he/she would have been named “Burrito” or “Paella”.)

How long will it be before the first “Livin’ la Vida Loca”/”Viva la Vida” mashup surfaces?

Shake your bon bon:

PS- This place is PSYCHED!

Britney Spears Makes It Lame at the 2007 VMAs

UghhhH! There are so many things wrong w/ Britney Spears’ performance of “Gimmie More” on this years VMAs. 1. She’s not dancing at ALL. The SLOWEST movements known to man. Was the routine designed for a talentless slug? You will see this exact routine in just about every strip club across the globe by the end of next week. 2. There are about 3 words in the entire song. 3. WTF is she wearing? She can’t even walk in those stiletto boots she’s got on. 4. LMAO about “It’s Britney, bitch!” 5. Brit Brit needs to do a few more sit ups. This is the VMAs, not a run to Coffee Bean. 6. This was almost as bad as Sarah Silverman‘s hosting skills. Can MTV PLEASE stop hiring her?

Watch it here. If the embed gets taken down, check it out on MTV’s site:

OMG: Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” Video Is Awful

I usually love all things Avril Lavigne, but I have been deeply disturbed over the new video of her single, “Girlfriend”. It’s like a perfect storm of awful–with acting so bad it could win a Razzie, outfits so bad they belong in the rubbish bin (knee high striped tube socks??? WHY???), moral/song theme so awful it could have been a Fergie song, AND A DANCE SEQUENCE??? AAAAAARRRRUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Avril don’t dance!!! (Or shouldn’t be allowed to.)

There are, like, so many things wrong with this video and song I can’t even begin to list them. I just want to throw myself against the wall after watching this. I can’t figure out how something like this happened, it’s just so…mindnumbing.

It’s like the Pussycat Doll’s “Don’t Cha”, but without the sass and 10x as more childish. Why is she regressing by doing dumbed-down versions of Gwen Stefani dance songs? Avril don’t do happy and upbeat well, it just comes off as obnoxious.

Let’s take a look at some sample lyrics:

In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger
‘Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There’s no other, so when’s it gonna sink in
She’s so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?

What??? This is like the theme song of romantically deranged tween girls everywhere. If you could have him wrapped around your finger in a second, why are you spending 3 minutes and 49 seconds telling me about it? JUST DO IT AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

When Avril is singing the song she looks like even she can’t believe this pile of crap she’s performing. She’s making bratty faces at the camera, almost as to say “yeah, I know, it’s totally obnoxious, eat it up you mindless bitches!”

I also have a problem w/ the continuity. Why is blonde Avril interacting with the dude? It’s dark-haired Avril that is the one in the song. Oh my god. I can’t believe I just spent time thinking about continuity in a music video. It’s that bad.

I much prefer vintage (and more somber) Avril like “My Happy Ending”:

Or the greatest Avril Lavigne video ever, “I’m With You”:

Who Would Win In a Fight: Patrick Swayze or David Hasselhoff?

I think we need to discuss this eternal question right now. Swayze has the dance moves and the abs. Hasselhoff has the leather jacket and millions of devoted Germans. But Swayze had a song (“She’s Like the Wind”) that was actually a hit in America. The Hoff had his hit German track “Looking for Freedom” produced by Jack White. Ok…so it was some German guy named Jack White, not Jack White Jack White.

Swayze once did a commercial for UK phone company Orange in which he pitches a movie where he plays a “mute assassin”:

But The Hoff once did a commercial for broadband company Pipex where he was the “King of the Internet”:

Continue reading “Who Would Win In a Fight: Patrick Swayze or David Hasselhoff?”

And I Am Telling You…Jennifer Hudson on the Cover of Vogue

WIN! Dreamgirls star Jennifer Hudson is on the cover of the new issue of Vogue!!! This totally blows my mind. I can’t believe Anna allowed someone bigger than a negative zero on the cover.

jennifer hudson

Beyonce, however, is stuck being half-naked on the cover of Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Yawn.

beyonce sports illustrated

Who’s stealing who’s thunder?

You realize when J.Hud comes out with a solo record, it’s gonna be HUGETASTIC.