Jack White to Cameo as Elvis Presley In “Walk Hard”

According to internet buzz on Cinematical (via the Thigh Master), Jack White will be hitting the silver screen once again–this time in the comedy Walk Hard starring John C. Reilly. It’s a tongue-in-cheek spoof of musical biopics that have taken over Hollywood in the last few years like Ray and Walk the Line.

Can’t wait to see Jack strut those blue suede shoes! Of course he will not perform any “Elvis songs” in the movie because “Elvis songs” do not exist.

The Genius of Uncle Grambo

I’ve been a long-time fan of the illustrious Uncle Grambo–the mastermind behind Whatevs(dot)org. I just had to share his analysis of blockbuster movie 300:

Oh yeah, “300″. SO! FREAKING! BEST! You say that it never registered with you on any sort of emotional level? I say SO WHAT! You want to get emotional? Grab a box of tampons and watch Lifetime. But if you want to see a movie described as “Tits. Violence. Anger. Repeat.”, that’s EXACTLY what you’ll get when you see “300.”

Oh man, the Lifetime comment kills me. Hahahah.

Oscar Blog In Under Ten Minutes

So I did watch all of the Oscars, and although I could have live-blogged, I didn’t b/c I wanted to soak in all the Oscary goodness uninterrupted. I’m setting a time limit of 10 minutes for me to just go over everything I can think of about the show off the top of my head, starting…NOW!

Ellen’s jokes in the beginning were pretty funny. The joke about people being named “Oscar” made me laugh for about 2 minutes.

I hysterically laughed when Nicole Kidman said “Dreamgoils” instead of “Dreamgirls”. Maybe she’s really from the Bronx.

More laughter when Tom Hanks totally took the piss out of Chris Connelly when he asked him if their was more fun to come. Tom said something like, “SO MUCH FUN!”, with his face lighting up with cheesy enthusiasm. Brilliant.

Woah! Tom Cruise presented. That scared me a little.

Hello weird behind the scrim tumbler people making weird shadow people puppets for all the flicks nominated for Best Picture.

YESSSSSS! Martin Scorsese wins for directing The Departed. I am saddened Mark Wahlberg did not win, I just wanted to scream out WAAAAHHHLLLBEEERRRRRR really bad–and I did.

Leo DiCaprio and Al Gore sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Anne Hathaway
. WHY. WEARING. VALENTINO BOW DISASTER?

Kirsten Dunst just cannot help but always look frumpy with her horrible posture and horrible fashion choices. What was up with her crazy grandma mermaid look? YUCK.

Emily Blunt, however, looked fab in a blue shimmery Calvin Klein dress. Jennifer Hudson tried out for the Flash Gordon movie with a ridiculous gold cape.

DIEGO LUNA = THE SEX. JAMES MCAVORY (aka Mr. Tumnas) = THE SCOTTISH DIEGO LUNA. THEREFORE DIEGO LUNA + JAMES MCAVORY + BOTH AT OSCARS = MY BRAIN EXPLODING FROM THE SEXY.

Beyonce had what looked like an entire vine of grapes falling all over her boob.

Something is wrong with Gywneth Paltrow. Like what was up with her hair sticking to her body? Why was she talking all weird. Why does she get to sit in the front row when she hasn’t even had a good movie in about 3 years?

Why are the following people allowed to present Oscars?: Cameron Diaz, Jerry Sienfeld, Jessica Biel.

Damn–out of time…

Who Would Win In a Fight: Patrick Swayze or David Hasselhoff?

I think we need to discuss this eternal question right now. Swayze has the dance moves and the abs. Hasselhoff has the leather jacket and millions of devoted Germans. But Swayze had a song (“She’s Like the Wind”) that was actually a hit in America. The Hoff had his hit German track “Looking for Freedom” produced by Jack White. Ok…so it was some German guy named Jack White, not Jack White Jack White.

Swayze once did a commercial for UK phone company Orange in which he pitches a movie where he plays a “mute assassin”:

But The Hoff once did a commercial for broadband company Pipex where he was the “King of the Internet”:

Continue reading “Who Would Win In a Fight: Patrick Swayze or David Hasselhoff?”

Julie Taymor Is a Crazy Brilliant Genius

Today I saw the trailer for Julie Taymor’s new movie, Across the Universe. It looks spectacular! Jim Sturgess and Evan Rachel Wood star in this fictional love story set in 1960s America, with the music of the Beatles being paired with pivotal scenes.

I can’t wait to see it. I’ve been a big fan of Julie Taymor since seeing her direction of the Broadway musical version of Disney’s The Lion King, as well as her feature film debut of Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus. As anyone who is familiar with her work knows, Taymor is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to creating beautiful, fanciful scenes. I’m sure this movie will be nothing short of breathtaking.

Golden Globes 2007: Live Until I Get Bored

9:08PM
I started watching the Golden Globes about 20 minutes ago. So far Meryl Streep and Eddie Murphy won…I saw that Jennifer Hudson won for Best Supporting Actress. Right now Sarah Jessica Parker presented for

SIENNA MILLER, WTF IS THAT FUG? She’s presenting with Terrence Howard for Best Actor Mini-Series or TV Movie. Her hair is so Kirsten from American Girls = FUG FUG FUG!!!! And the top of that dress looks like a gold lame disaster. YIIIiiiiccckkk.

9:22PM
AUAUUGHHH! VANESSA WILLIAMS WHAT THE FUG? Did she borrow Christina Aguilera’s stylist circa the 2001 Blockbuster Awards??? Booohiiissss.

However, every time I catch Reese Witherspoon she looks adorable with her big choppy bangs and yellow strapless dress. Girl is GLOWING.

9:37

Clint Eastwood just won for Foreign Film. HE’S WEARING A WHITE BOW TIE with blue/black shirt. He is a crazy old man.

Ahahha. I just saw Prince wearing a mustard colored suit in the background of a shot. I just watched the second disc of An Evening with Kevin Smith, and he tells this AMAZING story about how he shot this documentary for Prince that will NEVER see the light of day. All I gotta say is, “CHAKA MAD, CHAKA REAL MAD!”

9:49PM
Jennifer Love Hewitt looks like a giant Godiva chocolate box…not in a good way. But America Ferrera just won for Best Actress TV Comedy for Ugly Betty. Hooray! Aw, Salma is crying for joy. Watching Maria Menounos interview America right off the GG stage is PAINFULLLLL. I like how she was trying to pressure America into opening the paper she didn’t read. Hahaha. Grasping for straws.

10:25PM
Yessssssssss. Martin Scorcese wins for The Departed.

10:28PM
Holy crap! Sacha Baron Cohen won for Borat!

Band of the Day: Mook

NAME: Mook
HOMETOWN: New York, NY, USA
WEBSITE: http://www.mookmusic.com

HOW I HEARD ABOUT THEM: IMy friend Jessie sent me
an email about them because when we saw Little Miss Sunshine, we were
both obsessed with the character of Dwayne. The actor that played him,
Paul Dano, is lead guitarist and does the vocals. And one time me and my old man saw Paul on the subway…looking more like he does in The Girl Next Door (THE BEST MOVIE EVER). Jessie also snuck into LMS because it was sold out.
LATEST RELEASE: The Eggs [EP]
SONG LISTENED TO: “Broken-Bee (Light Me)” [MP3]
WHAT THEY SOUND LIKE: Soft indie rock with a slightly jazzy edge. Quiet. Sounds like Paul is hunched over whispering into the microphone as he sings. With the folky lo-fi sound and sweetly sensitive lyrics (“I’m awfully available in so many shades/ Waiting for you to light me”) Paul would be a great candidate to play Sufjan Stevens in his yet-to-be-created indie film biopic. Also fans of Adam Green might be interested, although they are not quite as anti-folk.
1 to 5 RATING: 3
OTHER BLOGS THAT HAVE TALKED ABOUT THEM: Er… I can’t find any blog posts about them other than this Stella fansite message board thread. They play Sin-E on February 1st, so maybe some of you bloggers should get a move on…
LISTEN TO MORE: “Darkling” and “Statues” on the Myspace

This Movie Trailer Makes Me Cry

Perhaps I’m getting overly sentimental in my old age, but is it just me or does this movie trailer for The Pursuit of Happyness make you cry?

The movie is based upon the real-life story of Chris Gardner. I remember watching a “20/20” segment about his life a few years back, and I was totally moved by it. I hope the movie is just as good as I want it to be.

Oprah recently devoted a show to Will Smith and the movie:

What Will Become of the Detroit Music Scene?

It’s weird–just YESTERDAY I was talking about how both the New York City and Detroit music seemed to have died down since the recent heyday of 2000-2003. So it’s funny that I just happen to stumble upon this article in the Metro Times. It seems as though there’s a new movie called It Came from Detroit, which explores the garage rock scene in the D, how it was obscure to begin with, then gained world-wide exposure with the success of The White Stripes, then fell back into obscurity with Jack White’s move from Detroit to Nashville.

The movie had it’s premiere in Detroit on October 27, with local legends, The Dirtbombs, performing at the party.

Watch the movie trailer on the official site.

Officially Over Borat

This weekend I, along with what seemed to be all of Lower Manhattan, went to go see Borat! Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. I had been really excited to see it, having loved Da Ali G Show, but did feel a little skeptical since so many of the segments in the trailer really felt like stuff I’d seen before (or perhaps I’m imagining Borat skits in my sleep). I didn’t laugh out loud, so much as gasp in horror as to the types of embarrassing people Sacha Baron Cohen was able to find in America. Some segments were so absurd that I wondered how these people ever agreed to signing releases. And then there was that skit, that I do not ever EVER want to see again, which involved a Baywatch magazine, wrestling, and bankers.

I know much has been written about the steeped satire of the movie and the supposed brilliance of the egregiously offensive Borat character. But for me, the film felt kinda un-even, with too-short skits (nothing is left to simmer for very long–perhaps it’s difficult to find people who will say and do idiotic things for more than 5 minutes at a time), with a totally predictable ending.

I just feel bad for all those folks in Kazakhstan. After a while, all those pot-shots at the country start to feel as tired as when they make Southeast Asian people talk in exaggerated accents and drive cabs in comedies.

On the bright side, they play the Kocani Orkestar version of “Siki, Siki Baba” during the film–a song which I saw Beirut cover this summer at the Pool Parties in Brooklyn.