Gossip, Golden Globes, and The Simpsons

Yes yes, thank you to everyone who wrote in telling me that the White Stripes are going to be on an upcoming episode of The Simpsons, but I thought this news was old…I could swear I heard about it ages ago…or maybe that was my psychic WS thinking. Is Karen officially pregnant yet?

Speaking of celebrity procreation, fellow musician Chris Martin and his Estee Lauder-hawking wife Gwyneth Paltrow are DEFINITELY having another baby. If you saw Gwynie on the Golden Globes you know this is true. My grandmother’s reaction to Paltrow when presenting the Cecil B. DeMille award to Sir Anthony Hopkins, “She looks fat.” It was only after I told her that she probably was pregnant that she found Gwyneth’s full face acceptable.

Gwyneth Paltrow at the Golden Globes

More on the Golden Globes, how retarded CUTE are Heath and Michelle? They are so the new Reese and Ryan, except in Heath and Michelle’s case they are both talented. Michelle was wearing the most adorable purple dress, and in every photo series of them there is at least one (if not more) photo of them looking at each other all googly-eyed. I usually do not fall for celebrity couples, but I absolutely L-O-V-E them. (What were you thinking Naomi Watts?!?)

Although it should be noted I still do kinda love Reese Witherspoon because I saw her being interviewed right after her Golden Globe win for Walk the Line by that woman Julianna from E! and she was so nice and didn’t throw up when asked lame questions.

Golden Globe couples

I didn’t watch most of the Golden Globes, but I did manage to catch Melanie Griffith looking like a train wreck. Woah! What happened there? What else was “yay”? Joaquin Phoenix, Mary Louise Parker, and Jonny Rhys Meyers winning. What was “boo”? Anne Hathaway‘s makeup and dress. Ugghh! Girl got attacked with super red lipstick and what looked like one of Sasha Cohen‘s old skating outfits. Um…and I don’t know what this is, but it’s a bit terrifying.

Has Someone Punched Jessica In the Face?

I know everyone has really been getting annoyed with Jessica Simpson of late, but who was the person who finally Lachey-ed, I mean lashed out and gave the top-heaviest Simpson sister a big ol’ shiner? This is so reminiscent of Paris Hilton‘s big ol’ bruises that she didn’t try to hide (or the ones she staged) after breaking up with Nick Carter. Obviously someone wants some sympathy for the impending divorce.

Well at least this black and blue look is better than that hideous black and red thing she wore for the People’s Choice Awards.

Jessica Simpson's shiner

Julian + Juliet 4eva

The little gossip birds have been speculating that Julian Casablancas finally tied the proverbial knot with Juliet Joslin this weekend. If you are skeptical about the validity of this, The Moldy Peaches’ Kimya Dawson just happened to attend a wedding this weekend where they danced to Milli Vanilli and then headed downtown to party. Draw your own conclusions.

In other Peaches news, Adam Green’s freshman yearbook photo.

Freaks and Geeks

This is a little bit old, but still hysterical: David Bowie, victim of a lollipop attack. Link from Jenny.
This past weekend we went to see Before Sunset on the recommendation of J.Go. Holy crap! Best movie ever! Ok, not “best movie ever”, but it was totally great. It was a GOOD SEQUEL! We’re so in love with Julie Delpy! She’s so gorgeous and wonderfully subtle. Brilliant! Please go see it!
Also this weekend we passed Terry Richardson on the street. The dirty old man stared at our boobs.

White Stripe Dresses Fellow Detroit Rocker in Black and Blue

Holy CRAP! Jack sure packs a mean punch! Images taken of Jason Stollsteimer after being released from Detroit Receiving Hospital reveal the kind of ass-kicking Jack is capable of. This is all getting a little bit too Tommy and Pam for us. No one from the White Stripe camp has called out the “publicity for my new album” card yet, but we wouldn’t be surprised if some backlash comes about from this. Wonder how Ryan Adams feels to be no longer the concentrated source of Jack White’s wrath. Luckily Ryan was smart enough to stay arms length from Jack “The Jabber” White. Dear Jesus! We can help but feel that we have played some horrible part in re-igniting this rivalry… We know how jealous Jack gets when we start gagging over other bands from Detroit that aren’t the White Stripes or Whirlwind Heat… but even we think he’s gone a bit too far this time. Hey, come to think of it, Jack punched out David Swanson’s front tooth the same night we saw them in San Diego… hmmm… Unbelievable linkage from Whatevs.

Statement from the Von Bondies Management:


Stollsteimer was violently attacked by Jack White of the White Stripes without warning or provocation. White approached Stollsteimer during the concert, physically forcing him against the speakers, and began shouting. Stollsteimer attempted to turn his head [to] face White but refused to engage in conversation. Visibly angered by Stollsteimer’s unwillingness to argue or fight, White spat into Stollsteimer’s face and punched him in the head and face repeatedly. White then forced Stollsteimer to the ground and continued his attack until White was restrained by several crowd members.

Rocker Sock ‘Em

Ah, our two biggest obsessions of last week, Jack White and The Von Bondies, collided once again — literally. According to a Detroit police report filed by VB lead singer, Jason Stollsteimer, Jack punched him at a Brendan Benson concert. Jack says it was self-defense. The real question is when did Jack legally change his last name to “White”? Links from Laura Coaxme and Whatevs.

BTW — Why does Jack look so freaking scary?

Starsailor Is Totally Over the Strokes

Daaaaaaaaaamn. The Gig of the Year sold out in 5 minutes… (or NME could also be lying… NME lie? NEVER!)

Uh oh. Maybe James Walsh is getting really pissed off about everyone asking him about the Strokes… *Ahem*. I should probably stop doing that to every band that comes to New York. From NME:

STROKE OF GENIUS?

STARSAILOR’s JAMES WALSH has been perfecting his impression of THE STROKES during his band’s US tour.

During their recent San Francisco Fillmore stop (January 15) Starsailor were plagued by shouts for the band to play ‘Last Nite’. “This bloke is talking about a show we had in Birmingham where we played ‘Last Nite’ by The Strokes,” he said. “But I’m not playing another Strokes song until they cover one of ours. Could you imagine?”

Walsh, reports thetripwire.com, then strapped his guitar very high on his chest in the style of Strokes’ guitarist Albert Hammond Jr and spat and drawled his way through ‘Lullaby’ in what was seen to be an impression of The Strokes’ front man Julian Casablancas.

Starsailor are currently supporting The Charlatans on their US tour. The Strokes will be the musical guest when actor Jack Black hosts Saturday Night Live this weekend (January 19).

Alan Vega’s Collision Drive” at Deitch Projects… a maybe.

Did y’all catch JJ72 on Kilby last night? If not, locals can catch them in the flesh next month: “Big up the NYC massive:

Catch a free in-store performance of JJ72 at the Virgin Megastore in Union Square on February 8th. After the set the band will stick around to meet fans and sign autographs. TIME: 6pm”

Oh yeah, Jack Black and The Strokes on SNL tonight. Duh.

Music of the moment: “Music,” Erick Sermon feat. Marvin Gaye; “October Swimmer,” JJ72; Untitled Song from the Bowery show, Starsailor [Please Download this song!!!]

The Strokes’s Tour Bus Gets Tagged

Oh man… why didn’t someone tell me about Buddyhead saying The Strokes tour bus was two-tone tagged “$uckin Dick$” in North Carolina earlier?

Oh yeah. Moldy Peaches in January with Interpol at the Bowery. Rumor has it they really want to get the Spin Doctors to play with them, making the retro-90’s movement fashionable by rockin’ the Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong.

Check out these freaking kick ass pictures of El Strokes.