Holy Crap, I Really Hated Ryan Adams in 2001

I love going through some of my old posts. I find some of them so hysterical, and then I get sad that I’m not that funny anymore. In any case, you’ve got to read (or re-read) this post I wrote titled RYAN ADAMS RANT” from December 18, 2001. It’s a lengthy post going into great detail the reasons why I think Ryan Adams should crawl into a hole and die. The funny thing is now Ryan Adams is one of my favorite artists ever. I guess I’ve learned to love everything I hate about him. Here are some highlights:

My terrifying experiences with Ryan Adams began in January of this year in London. There were Ryan Adams posters plastered everywhere. I guess he was doing a gig or something and I just remember looking at the picture and going,”Dude- this guy’s name is RYAN ADAMS. AHAHhahahhahahah. He must be a tool.” I think at this point I thought he was some weird British person trying to be American hick. Of course I now know Adams is just an American hick trying to be a weird British person (see Elton John).

There have been a few things that have catapulted Ryan Adams to his current status as America’s number one guy with a name that sounds like Bryan Adams. The aforementioned obsession Elton John has with him is one. Another (and probably more disturbing and harmful) reason for Adams-mania is the event I like to call, “Big Buildings Go Boom,” or September 11, 2001. Not too long ago I asked someone, “Who decided that this song (New York, New York) was valid?” Their reply? “Osama bin Laden.”

So is the hatred for Ryan Adams a result of unusual circumstances? Is the hate tied to the hate of other things like pseudo-patriotism? Some of it probably is. But then he goes and starts plugging his own praise on his website. Like.. writing Elton John is a fan!. Granted, it’s not him writing it (he’s far to busy spiraling down to a slovenly mess to be bothered with typing shit up on the computer) but it’s the thought that counts.

You get the idea…

Your Challenge: Who Wins Project Cuties?

Aruuughh! I’m a little angry about this. Apparently the British have launched their spin-off of Heidi Klum’s “Project Runway” on Sky TV by having Liz Hurley host it and calling it “Project Catwalk.” (Her tagline is “I’m really sorry but fashion has no mercy.” Hah!)

But upon looking at the pictures I noticed there was just the cutest guy on the British version. IMHO, he makes Daniel V look like dog food. What do you think? Who’s cuter? Danny V or Un-named Cute British Dude? It’s like young Richard Ashcroft vs. the singer from The Thrills.

Oh and also, did you know there’s a freaking “Project Runway” magazine? Uh HUH.

Project Cuties

Has Someone Punched Jessica In the Face?

I know everyone has really been getting annoyed with Jessica Simpson of late, but who was the person who finally Lachey-ed, I mean lashed out and gave the top-heaviest Simpson sister a big ol’ shiner? This is so reminiscent of Paris Hilton‘s big ol’ bruises that she didn’t try to hide (or the ones she staged) after breaking up with Nick Carter. Obviously someone wants some sympathy for the impending divorce.

Well at least this black and blue look is better than that hideous black and red thing she wore for the People’s Choice Awards.

Jessica Simpson's shiner

Adrienne Curry Poses for Playboy

Ok, something for the guys. “America’s Next Top Model” winner, Adrianne Curry (aka- the chick shacking up with Christopher “Peter Brady” Knight), is featured in the February issue of Playboy. Anyone who’s seen “The Surreal Life” or “My Fair Brady” will not be surprised by her decision to be in Playboy. In fact I’m happy that at least this time there is a reason why she’s naked. Who’s up next Yoanna, Eva, Naima, or Nicole? Although all of those pictures might not be the prettiest.

Adrianne’s got a rockin’ body although her boobs look kinda weird in one of those pictures, and I could do without the nipple tweaking. And hellooooo Photoshop. That cover could almost be an illustration! Head over to the Bastardly for the full set of shots (which are totally NSFW).

Cover after the jump. Sorta NSFW.

UPDATE: Jason just said “forget ‘America’s Next Top Whatever’, then he sent me a link to Jenna Jameson’s new reality Playboy TV show, “American Sex Star.” All I want to know is…what will the challenges be like?
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Angelina for St. John

In case you didn’t know, Angelina Jolie is the new face for St. John. Below is the evidence. She sure looks a lot different than she does at the moment, seeing as how she’s working on her new job of being Brad Pitt’s baby’s mama. But back to the modeling, believe it or not, I kinda miss seeing Kelly Gray. Her yearly campaign ads were like an Archie comic book, a little bit different, but comfortingly the same. Link from ONTD.

Angelina for St. John

Tapes ‘n Tapes So Wish They Were VHS or Beta

Sorry, that was my obligatory bad joke of the day…

The Tapes ‘n Tapes show at Rothko last night was totally packed. I just barely got in right before they stopped letting people in–even if they were on the guest list.

I was curious to see them, in part because of BV’s semi-obsessive postings about them over the last week. (Get that man a life-long Tapes ‘n Tapes fanclub card.) I went in not expecting much. I ran into Jason, who was running the event, while on the line for the bathroom and I said, “so Tapes ‘n Tapes–are they cute at least? I saw some pictures of the internet and they didn’t look cute.” Jason insisted that they were somewhat adorable and that I should pay particular attention to the drummer.

When I went upstairs and got within view of the band, I could see why Jason had said that. The drummer was indeed cute in that totally nerdy indie rock way–small little sweater, thick plastic frame glasses, quiet demeanor, etc. (Think Counter Commons.) But I was it just me or was the dude who I call “the filler band member” aka–“the dude on keyboards” also really cute? He looked like Hamilton from the Walkmen‘s younger stoner brother as he looked spacey and shook the sleigh bells.

Right now half of you are rolling your eyes because you don’t want to read about how cute I think some of the guys in the band are or aren’t. You probably want to hear what I thought about the actual MUSIC the band was playing. Ok FINE.

Musically I found Tapes ‘n Tapes to be…unmemorable. As I left the venue I told Jason “I think I need to get a dick, because I didn’t get it. I mean it sounded like music dudes in college would listen to,” and you know what that means. Performance-wise the band was lackluster, as I anticipated. However there was one moment during the show that I found beyond amusing. Mid-way through the set the cute “filler band member” starts flinging himself across the stage, resulting in him falling across the stage. Then he proceeded to get up and do the same thing again, once again falling across the stage. It was like watching your pet fish jump out of the tank and flounder around on the tabletop. Brilliant…or an amazing physical manifestation of “filler band member’s” onstage boredom.

Oh well.

tapesntapes_rothko02

Tapes 'n Tapes

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More of Morningwood

No, it’s not a Suicide Girls event, it’s more photos from Morningwood‘s show at Bowery Ballroom.

I’d only seen Morningwood once before during Siren Festival, so this was the first “real” stage show I’d seen them do. I think that their album is very fun to listen to in the privacy of your own home, but as a live band they are a bit too gimmicky for me to need to see them more than once. There are only so many times I can stand through skinny white girls getting naked onstage before starting to feel all “daddy bad-touch” if you know what I mean. And there also only so many times I can stand next to barely 18-year-old college girls wearing ponytails as they sing “I wanna take off your clothes!” into my ears.

morningwood_bowery02.jpg

Morningwood

Racier pictures after the jump. May be NSFW.
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