Paris Hilton: Stinking Up the 99 Cent Bargin Bin of Music

UUUGgghhh. I just listened to some of the new tracks off of Paris Hilton’s new album and I feel absolutely sick. The songs do not have one ounce of originality to them. Every single song sounds like a cheap rip-off of something else. It’s the aural equivalent of watching a little girl play dress up. This crap is so worthless and boring to listen to that it’s making me hanker for some “Popozao”. At least that was entertaining.

If you really want to waste about 10 minutes of your life like I did, go ahead and download the tracks from this post on ONTD.

“I Want You” lifts the first bars off of Frankie Valli’s “Grease”, and adds in country music flavored tangs to throw off the scent/stench.

“Heartbeat”. Hey Paris, Cyndi Lauper called and she wants her royalties for this re-named cover of “Time After Time”.

Just because Gwen Stefani is on musical leave because of her pregnancy doesn’t mean that Paris Hilton should be allowed to try to immitate her in “Turn You On”.

“Stars Are Blind” but Paris Hilton is deaf. Also I don’t ever want to hear Paris try be be all “The Tide Is High” but instead of the cute and coy lyrics of Blondie‘s song, PH sings “we could make it nice and naughty”.

I can’t even begin to talk about “Jealousy”, which is obviously a song about Nicole Richie–and has to be the most pathetic attempt for attention since Nick Lachey‘s “What’s Left of Me”. BTW- the strings section does NOT make your song classier in any way.

“Turn It Up” makes me want to turn it down. Missy Elliot meets Nelly Furtado minus talent and catchy hooks.

Seriously, this crap needs to stop. NOW.

As a reward for anyone who bothered to subject themselves to that sh-t, go ahead and download James Murphy and Tim Sweeney‘s Radio Mixes Spring 2006 courtesy of DFA.

Published by Laura

I run The Modern

20 replies on “Paris Hilton: Stinking Up the 99 Cent Bargin Bin of Music”

  1. I hear that crap on the radio the other day. She is trying so hard to be Gwen Stefani but Gwen has talent, looks AND intelligence.

  2. damnit james, beat me to it.

    seriously though, if you take out “paris hilton” and replace it with “fall out boy”, that post would totally make sense.

    well i’m sure we’ll have a fall out boy post soon about how one of them like, got his hair trimmed. EXCITING

  3. I agree with James and Tobias Funke. Laura, be sure to let us know when Pete Wentz gets his pubes trimmed.

  4. I may not like FOB either but at least they write their own songs and play instruments.

    Back to the topic on hand…

    I can’t believe I just listened to all the clips. This stuff is scary! If only cause I think it’s going to do well. UGH. I have to hope that Turn You On is a big joke. Otherwise, I don’t even know…

    Totally needs to stop. NOW.

    Now I need Brittany Murphy’s actual great and sexy voice to cleanse my ears. 😉

  5. I’ve only heard “Stars Are Blind” and I thought it was OK. Were people expecting Dark Side of the Moon II or something? She got great producers for the album’s tracks, and so what if it’s not original? Very little is original. As for sales potential, the standard has been set: J.Lo went platinum on exactly no musical talent.

  6. I agree with Glenn but I don’t like her songs. I don’t think it’s any worse than Nelly Furtado’s new shit. Sex sells a lot of shitty music

  7. Nelly Furtado’s fly like a bird was proper shit but her new stuff (single) rocks with timbaland on production

  8. This is really surprising. I was expecting terrific things from Paris. Innovative, mindblowing soundscapes . . .

  9. I hate how all these famous people that are only famous because of there parents think they have “so much talent” they’re only trying to find more ways to make more money which they have enough of alredy

  10. Could you people stop criticizing her and accept what she does…look…at least she writes some of her songs and doesn’T talk about stupid Bananas like Gwen. She’s making an effort. Maybe she doesn’t have a Christina Aguilera voice, but hey! MADONNA LYPSINCS! Get over it…i’ve heard songs worst than hers coming from people like madonna, and gwen and missy elliot…so give her a chance. Love ya 😉

  11. Ugh! you people are just jelious cuz your parents arnt rich like mine! you with you were mee!!

  12. why can’t u just leave paris hilton alone.
    if she coulden’t sing why does she have a singing contract then?
    I mean people woulden hire her if she ain’t got talent.
    you all should stop criticizig her !!
    soo just give her a chance..
    Lovve yaa:D

  13. its not her fault she’s rich…if i had that much money and spare time i’d probably consider a singing contract…why not?…better than her current rep
    ‘Anonymous’ is right…u people ARE jelous of her…tisk, tisk

  14. honestly, what is the dofference in madonna using pet shop boys west end girls for the song jump, abba’s gimme gimme for the song hung up, and last but not least, donna summers i feel love for the song future lovers. i mean, paris had to learn it somewhere. why not from the worlds largest breathing cash register.

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