In order to put this headline in context, I have to burden you with the information that Jewel is still making music (and maybe even some shaving razor theme songs) and she has a new album called Goodbye Alice in Wonderland which comes out May 2nd.

She’s so excited about the new album that she decided to write a 1169-word essay about how it’s so difficult for her to make records because she’s impatient, how it’s been a couple of “crazy ass years” in her “crazy ass life,” and how radio will only play certain types of songs and that frustrates her because she’s got some 6-minute long song that she really loves and totally sums up her new album so she’s made a video for it on her own…or whatever.

That’s all good and well, but the thing that gets my goat is the fact that Jewel feels the need to tell me all of this by virtually screaming at me by using ALL CAPS through the entire letter.

Jewel’s typing style is just as crooked as her teeth. Check out this crime of humanity for yourself.