Why Coldplay Is Making It Increasingly More Embarrassing to Be A Fan

You know how in high school the surefire way to get made fun of and/or beat up was to like anything different? “What the hell IS THAT?” a cheerleader would say as she pointed to your Joy Division shirt, her face full of disdain. “That is like the stupidest thing I’ve seen in my life.”

Well when you become an adult and move to New York City, the exact opposite becomes true. If you like something mainstream you’re suddenly a pariah. Just two days ago I made the mistake of wearing a Coldplay t-shirt with the ugly X & Y cover on it. “Ewww! What is THAT!,” I heard as I walked by a fellow music-conscious friend who was now wearing a look of horror on her face. “What? It’s a COLDPLAY shirt, ok?,” I replied. She just shook her head in pity. I retreated from the scene.

Just minutes later I’m going through my e-mails and there is a link to the new Coldplay video, “Fix You.” I excitedly click on it because “Fix You” is one of my favorite songs on the new album. I am then subjected to the most mind-numbing 5 minutes of my life.

The video consists of Chris Martin walking through empty back streets and across deserted bridges as blinding lights produce lens flare. He then starts running through tunnels, and ends up onstage singing the song in Bolton, England in front of a stadium crowd.

Chris showing the lightbulb who's boss

Then, in a moment of sheer bizarro behavior, Chris decides to start violently twirl around a lightbulb (see above). He twirls around a lightbulb–that’s like the big exciting part of the video. Uuughh.

Anyway, as I’m watching the video, I send a link to Joc, who clicks on it and then promptly gets hit with a barrage of hideous ad pop-ups and spyware, which takes her 45 minutes to clean off her computer. She doesn’t say so much, but I have a feeling she now believes Coldplay are the spawn of the devil for wrecking her comp.

Since when did everything associated with Coldplay just totally suck? Oh Coldplay, you’re making it hard to bring the love.

22 replies on “Why Coldplay Is Making It Increasingly More Embarrassing to Be A Fan”

  1. He duels with the lightbulb in concert too. They closed with Fix You in Philly and he swung a lightbulb hanging over the stage. Its a little stange.

  2. Coldplay started to suck in July 2003. That’s when the numbing lead piano line from “Clocks” got lodged in my skull. Two weeks later I overheard two dipshits on the elevated talking about buying ‘Rush of Blood to the Head’ “for the chicks,” and I knew “Coldplay” had become the British spelling of “Old Navy.”

  3. the main point that you are missing here is that all the chris-only videos, though they no doubt would still be supremely boring, would be 1039842309842304 times better if they featured ONLY guy (aka the bassist for those not in the know) 🙂

  4. Around the summer of 2000 when Napster was alive and kicking, I stumbled upon Shiver. I don’t remember how I got to download it, but, I was glad I did. I looked up the band name and found articles and stories on Parachutes and found more songs to download. After listening to Trouble and Sparks, I decided to just order the thing through Amazon UK.

    That summer I must’ve listened to that album a million times over. The simplicity of the songs were what got to me. Don’t Panic was instant gratification and I still play that every time I pick up my guitar. Life Is For Living, we all know.

    I remember paying 10 bucks to watch one of their shows from their first tour down in Providence. And, I remember watching them play up in Boston a few years later just before A Rush of Blood… was released. They actually re-worked their first album tracks to sound a bit different from the first tour.

    The second album was great when it first came out. But, it just doesn’t hold up when I listen back. Sure The Scientist is lovely, but, my god it can be boring as hell now. A Warning Sign is the only one that holds up for me.

    X&Y just feels like something is missing. Fix You is just torture. The high falsetto is brutal and just way too long before the song gets good with the four part harmonys.

    I don’t know. I liked Coldplay. But, nowadays, they are just, well, U2.

  5. It’s not a matter of what SOMEONE else likes or dislikes, IT’S WHAT YOU LIKE. Such a simple premiss but it seems like people have trouble following… You felt out of place in HS for being called out on what you wanted to wear and you THOUGHT you learned from it but now you are clearly proving you didn’t if you felt weird for wearing a shirt that OTHER people passed judgement on. WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK.

    I am not trying to sit in the shadows and only comment on bad things, I think you do a great job w/ your site. I get bummed when people only post negative coments on anything. They are usually the fucking slobs that won’t do anything w/ their life and are bitter and jaded.

  6. Let’s face it, years from now people will look to Coldplay like we look to the group Bread now, has beens. Coldplay = 21st Century Bread

  7. face it
    as soon as he became a rock star it was over
    the new album is so week and yet the press fawns over it
    it sounds like rejects from the 1st 2 albums

  8. Coldplay is definitely a band where you might tell others you went to their concert but NEVER to wear their shirts. It’s like many don’t wear U2 shirts.

  9. Here’s my theory on the lightbulb shenanigans. he’s obviously trying to rip off the lamp dance that David Byrne does in Stop Making Sense. Ya know, during “Naive Melody”. Just another example of a total wannabe tryintabe and, in my opinion failintabe.

  10. The light thing hanging down is a rip-off of an old concept from a band called Off Broadway from the early 80’s

  11. http://www.myspace.com/alexnate support is needed let’s put an end to the tyranny of Chris Martin and his chumps. When they delayed their 3rd album and whilst other bands were getting dropped because of this Chris Martin openly stated that they had made a fortune by bying and selling shares through EMI..tut tut what a bunch of Knobs..

  12. yur all wrong. coldplay fuckin rules. and i like that video. would you like people to comment on every werid thing you do? let coldplay be coldplay. have yur opinion, but don’t be ignorant about it.

  13. Coldplay is pretty much the coolest band on earth. I’ve now seen them in concert twice and listen to their music non stop. I think the lightbulb idea is really cool and if you don’t like coldplay fine, but don’t complain about their really cool ideas when you are just too lame to appreciate them for the genuises they really are.

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