When Ligers Attack

LIGERS!

So last Friday I had some kind of extreme narcolepsy going on because I fell asleep sometime during the early evening while watching TV, only to wake up at 10:45 and realize I had to be at the Bowery Ballroom to see Stellastarr*–I mean “The Ligers“–perform at the launch of the NY2LON concert series.

By the time I wipe the drool off of my face and get myself together and out the door it was already 11:15. Oops. I practically sprint to the Bowery, hustling my way past the bouncers in the hopes that the guestlist isn’t closed.

When I arrive at the bottom of the stairs, there is a couple standing in front of the podium where the ticketlady checks people off the lists. The couple seems to be arguing. I hear the muffled sounds of Stellastarr* playing above my head. The woman behind the podium is apologetically gesticulating. What is going on?

The ticketwoman says “Are you sure you’re on the list?” I hear the man say something like “such and such friend used my name on Stellastarr*’s list, and I’m supposed to use his name… blahbalbhalah.” The ticketlady leafs through what is probably 25 pieces of paper, all containing names of people who were on guestlists or had bought tix through Ticketweb, only to give him an exasperated look of “Sorry.”

I see the guy thrust out his credit card, asking her to search the list again. I start huffing because I’m missing the show because this guy doesn’t seem to be on the list. The drunk people behind me start shouting out, “We’ve got cash! Cash comes before credit cards!” Ticketwoman ignores us all.

The guy’s lady friend also seems agitated. She looks to be a high maintenance girl, wearing shimmery makeup and an even shinier halter top. Frankly I can’t believe this girl is with the rather plain looking ticketless gentleman. I wonder if they are on a date. Then she starts yelling at him, giving him the “You’re SUCH a loser” look as she says the following: “I can’t believe you made me leave a private party with ROBERT DOWNEY JR. to come here!

Woah! Did she just say Robert Downey Jr.? Did I just get transported to L.A. or something? Is this the Viper Room? What the HELL is this girl talking about?

Anyway, long story shorter, I think the dude ended up paying cash…although I’m not sure if he had the full 30 bucks it cost for him and his date to get in. He was fumbling for cash, pulling out rumpled bills when Ticketlady was like “you can buy tickets, but we don’t take credit cards.” Also, I get in as well but sadly do not get to hang out with Robert Downey Jr. that night.

When I get up to the main ballroom floor I see Sarah and shout at her. You see, the first time I ever met her was when she was managing Stellastarr* and I came down to see them perform at Luna Lounge, so this is all feeling very 2002. A few minutes later we shout something to the affect of “We love Stellastarr*” I really can’t remember.

Jasper, who is sporting a hairdo reminiscent of a Japanese samurai, almost brushes right past us due to his tunnel-vision mission to get some shots on his cam. After stopping to say hello, he delves into the brunt of the crowd only to emerge a minute later muttering, “I’m too old for this,” retreating to a part of the venue he can actually breathe and not be subjected to pointy elbows jabbing him in the ribs.

I become transfixed looking at Mandy. I hear Barry Manalow music playing in my head because she looks positively breathtaking wearing an off-the-shoulder black top with jeans and chunky shoes. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun, but she looks so dreamy that for a second I wished I really was a lesbian (long story).

Shawn looks great too, with a shorter haircut than the last time I saw him and no facial hair. I always think it’s funny when I see him perform because I think Shawn’s onstage presence is totally different than his normal presence and voice… He’s simply wriggles around like an epileptic maniac on stage! I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s alarming and a little bit exciting to watch.

Stellastarr as the Ligers

I see various other friendly faces who I haven’t seen in AGES (they don’t have blogs, so you probably don’t care who they are). This is feeling so nostalgic! I head up to the balcony to spy the vantage point. As I squat down between the rails near the sound booth I see that Arthur has decided to get his half-naked self up from his drum kit and throw Liger gear into the crowd–wristbands, tshirts, panties, etc. Damnit! I always miss the giveaways…but what the hell? Whatever happened to the “*” Arthur used to stick on his chest with duct tape? Now all I see is a unadulterated finely chiseled pale white abdomen. Is it getting hot in here? Umm….

I eventually go back downstairs and move to the left side of the stage, only to find myself standing behind a couple that clearly believes in PDAs. I watch in horror as the guy gropes his lady’s butt as if he were kneeding bread. Then I become more horrified when he starts slapping her behind to the beat of “Coco” (see below).

GET IT! SPANK IT! LOVE IT!

I try to focus my attention on something else besides the ass-slapping in front of me, and there’s J. jumping up and down like a crazy person at the front of the stage right in front of Michael. When I look at Michael I’m instantly transported back to the first time I saw SS* at the Bowery and I wrote that he looked like belonged in a Placebo tribute band. Oh, so little has changed, Michael! But whereas back in the ’03 it seemed as as though Michael was the odd man out, he seemed totally at home and confident in his surroundings.

Needless to say, The Ligers performance was a spanking good time. The crowd seemed to stick with the set, despite the fact that the majority of the songs were completely unknown to them. Great energy, good people, good times!

3 thoughts on “When Ligers Attack”

  1. The rather plain looking guy speaketh!

    Okay, I feel the need to defend myself here, mainly because we must know each other since I have been around since the dawn of stella. I know Sarah and Jasper as well.

    This is the deal: I “had” bought tix on ticketmaster and they didn’t have my name on the list which was very confusing. I kept showing them my credit card b/c I assumed it was their mistake. I was quite drunk and this was not the first time I have had problems at Bowery. Like you, I was also frantic as I was missing the show.

    Plus I did feel terrible for delaying that rather large line I had noticed forming behind me.

    The “high-maintenence” girl was truly bummed that we had to leave the party we were just at because, yes, Robert Downey Jr. did happen to show up right as we were getting ready to jet for the concert. And FYI he was very cool and very sober. Brushing shoulders with a thespian genius is about the only thing that would make me late for a stellastarr—er—Ligers show.

    Anyway, we both finaly got it and enjoyed the show, what was left of it. Lastly, as she sits next to me now, she wants you and the world to know that SHE DOES NOT THINK I AM A LOSER!

    And I thank her for that.

    I am in fact… Bob Harris

  2. i knew you’d pop out of the woodwork if i wrote that. glad she doesn’t think you’re a loser…but you gotta admit–the Robert Downey Jr. comment was a bit hilarious. next time, when you guys are at a party w/ him i think she should say “i can’t believe i’m missing stellastarr* right now!”

  3. no worries. just shows to go you that when alcohol is added, a funny story is forver the result.

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