Dear Whole Foods Union Square

Dear Whole Foods at Union Square,

Upon a recent visit to your store, the store soundtrack consisted of Bright Eyes and Rufus Wainwright. I was half expecting Antony and the Johnsons to come on next. Frankly, that music was bringing me down. Can you please stop making it feel like I was shopping in Other Music? Especially when there aren’t any sales clerks wearing hole-ly sweaters around to ignore me when I need help? It was bad enough I was surrounded by couples and NYU students buying organic bread and peanut butter, but then I have to be hit with a lethal dose of hipster-dom? Talk about insult to injury.

Then your up escalator wasn’t working. I trudged up the newly formed “stairs” only to find the most disorganized check out line in human existence. Unbeknownst to me there were actually 4 lines that made up the one “Express Checkout” line. How was I supposed to know that? I took a look at your delivery regions, but it costs a whopping 15 bucks to get it delivered to my neighborhood. You guys are evil!

All in all I was very nonplussed with my Whole Foods experience. I see you guys are going to open another store on East Houston, maybe then delivery will only cost 10 dollars. I’m very scared of you guys. Can you send someone over to hold me, free of charge?