Brownstoner is not only reporting that Strokes guitarist Nick Valensi has decided to move to Cobble Hill, Brooklyn, but that he’s also married to Amanda deCadenet. WHAT?!?!?!? Is that even true? Is this a really late April Fool’s joke? Link found via Gawker via Kiran.

Ashlee Simpson is on Leno tonight, but we need our beauty rest. Let us know what happens.

Snatched from the official Sondre Lerche Web site: “Sondre Lerche to perform at the Nobel Peace Prize Concert On December 11th, Sondre Lerche will perform at the annual Nobel Peace Prize Concert held in Oslo, Norway! Other acts include Diana Krall, Joss Stone, The Polyphonic Spree and Cindy Lauper. The concert will be hosted by Tom Cruise and Oprah Winfrey. Sondre will perform with an
orchestra and The Faces Down.”

We recommend the following:

FRIDAY Come for the opening of Mike Vorrasi’s new photography show, “All Stars,” @ Rubin Chapelle from 7pm-9pm. Then head over to Pianos for Surefire’s 11:45 set, followed by The Blue Sparks at 12:30.

SATURDAY The always happenin’ MisShapes crew puts together a very special rock ‘n’ roll Halloween DJ lineup. Open bar from 12am-1am.

SUNDAY Hit up the Hightower Smith (7pm) and the great-named Sam Champion (8pm–they’ll be playing a cover of an entire album!!) show at the Mercury Lounge before heading over to a hotter than hot edition of Motherfucker @ Spirit. The Undead Fuckers play at the stroke of midnight, and a whole slew of special guests will be sliding in and around the venue…so catch it for a special suprise!

Get a load of Justin Timberlake’s hot shirtless bod and a gigantic Virgin Mary tattoo on his right bicep. The tat is fake, and part of his “costume” for Alpha Dog, in which he plays a gangbanger.

Could Jamie Oliver be taking it upon himself to make a really crap British idea and import it over to the U.S. in order to make a really crap American idea with a hint of foreign flavor? The Mirror reports of the 1 million GBP loss that Oliver’s restaurant, Fifteen, has suffered over the course of its 3 years in business…yet he still wants to make Fifteen an international brand.

The restaurant, which was the basis of a TV-reality series in which Oliver recruited jobless youngersters and “made” them into “chefs,” donates all profits to charity…which is really cool–except for the fact that they’ve never ever been in the black.

…and already people are putting bids on John Peel’s “priceless” record collection made up of tens of thousands of albums with his own annotations on them.

HIT! Check out a new live video of “Jolene” by the White Stripes. It comes from their upcoming DVD. You can decide for yourself whether or not the Stripes sound like “crap.” Love Jack’s quote, “Am I in the right place, at the wrong time? That’s how I feel every day.” High | Low

HIT! Details of the new Scissor Sisters video for “Filthy/Gorgeous” revealed by Tricia Romano. John Cameron Mitchel is at the helm for this one, recruiting loads of nightlife legends and–you guessed it–drag kings and queens. Should be a super-campy debauchery.

BIG STINKING MISS! Scott Stereogum has unleashed a link to the worst video we’ve seen in years. It’s a terrible disaster involving Shania Twain and former Sugar Gay frontman, Mark “I’m on Extra” McGrath, called “Party for Two.” Good thing they picked up those cool Cher “Believe” sound effects before they went out of style. Oh wait…

Popbitch reveals the not so loving side of Jude’s ‘tude: “At the Alfie premiere: Sienna Miller, admiring the go-go dancers, saying that she would like to be one. Jude Law: “But See, you can’t fucking dance”.

If that ain’t love, we don’t know what is.

“The White Stripes–I just don’t get that at all. When they say ‘We recorded the whole album in two days’ its like, yeah it sounds like it–it sounds fucking crap because you recorded it in a second.” –Nicky Wire of the Manic Street Preachers