White Stripe Dresses Fellow Detroit Rocker in Black and Blue

Holy CRAP! Jack sure packs a mean punch! Images taken of Jason Stollsteimer after being released from Detroit Receiving Hospital reveal the kind of ass-kicking Jack is capable of. This is all getting a little bit too Tommy and Pam for us. No one from the White Stripe camp has called out the “publicity for my new album” card yet, but we wouldn’t be surprised if some backlash comes about from this. Wonder how Ryan Adams feels to be no longer the concentrated source of Jack White’s wrath. Luckily Ryan was smart enough to stay arms length from Jack “The Jabber” White. Dear Jesus! We can help but feel that we have played some horrible part in re-igniting this rivalry… We know how jealous Jack gets when we start gagging over other bands from Detroit that aren’t the White Stripes or Whirlwind Heat… but even we think he’s gone a bit too far this time. Hey, come to think of it, Jack punched out David Swanson’s front tooth the same night we saw them in San Diego… hmmm… Unbelievable linkage from Whatevs.

Statement from the Von Bondies Management:


Stollsteimer was violently attacked by Jack White of the White Stripes without warning or provocation. White approached Stollsteimer during the concert, physically forcing him against the speakers, and began shouting. Stollsteimer attempted to turn his head [to] face White but refused to engage in conversation. Visibly angered by Stollsteimer’s unwillingness to argue or fight, White spat into Stollsteimer’s face and punched him in the head and face repeatedly. White then forced Stollsteimer to the ground and continued his attack until White was restrained by several crowd members.

THE MODERN AGE GOES INTO STALKER MODE



We’re sorry, but we have to do tell this story. Anytime we’re around a group of people and there’s karaoke involved, we survey the crowd and decide which person in the room we think has a hidden karaoke talent. We look for someone unassuming (AKA — someone not wearing gold chains, sporting *bling*, cowboy hats, etc etc) and decide “Yes, that person has a hidden karaoke talent.”

We did such a thing this weekend at Jinners early birthday party. We picked out a person who seemed mild-mannered from a distance. Granted, we only scan the crowd and don’t do a detailed character study before making up our mind — it’s not exactly down to a science. You could describe this person as vaguely looking like a young Jarvis Cocker — a lanky white guy with brown hair and thick-framed glasses (which basically describes half of Brooklyn).


We pointed him out to the one and only Ultragrrrl, and said, “Ohmygod — if THAT guy did karaoke, it would be amazing!” She probably said something like, “Totally.” We pursued this conversation no further. But then…

During the midst of the party Anna took the mic and announced that a very special guest would be performing a “Mister Mike Reddy!” And lo-and behold, it was the very same young Jarvis who we’d picked out earlier.

We can’t even remember what he sang, but what we do remember was bowling over with laughter because he was so fantastic. Said Ultra, “You totally called it.” We were like, “Woah. We totally did.” It was so awesome.

This Officially Creepy Post was brought to you by memory reconstruction. We apologize if we scare Mike Reddy in the process. Thanks.