WHY ARE ALL OUR FRIENDS BIZARRELY (AND INEXPLICABLY) OBSESSED WITH CALIFORNIA?



Alex Greenwald
Sure, there are like 10,000 reasons to love the artist known as Ultragrrrl, but that’s so fucking boring, isn’t it? Today we found another reason to hate her — she’s crazy mad addicted to Phantom Planet. On the new PP (that’s what the kids in the “know” call them) album, there is a song called “Happy Ending.” We haven’t listened to said song, but we’re forced to maniacally laugh and give Phantom Planet like 1/10th of an ounce of respect for 1. Reminding of us of our former life as a massage parlor “therapist” and 2. Bordering on “is it or isn’t it?” irony by including the word “ENDING” at the BEGINNING of an album. FUCK YOU ULTRAGRRRL FOR MAKING US THINK ABOUT PHANTOM PLANET. On the other hand, Southern California thanks you. (Oh, and while we’re at it: Will the owner of a “California Girls Are Easy” badge please stop putting your own personal items in magazines in a shameless attempt to convince other people that you’re cool?!?! We were flipping through aforealludedto glossy this morning and guffaw-ed the rest of the day. We saw it! — And you’re NOT fooling anyone!)

We think you just witnessed the adverse affects of eating a lot of turkey. Woah.

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE STUPID

Groundbreaking discover of another shitty band signing a deck; We cried today after being told Chipolte restaurants, whose
yummy burritos — that never fail to give us a bit of a stomachache the next day yet we continue to eat them anyway — set us on Cloud 9, are owned by McDonald’s; Norwegian boy wonder, Sondre Lerche, has a Christmas countdown on his Web site starting today — every day a new image from the past US tour will be revealed (::insert girlish squealing here::) MORE ON SONDRE: Here; Gwynnie gets snippy when press asks if her and the Chrissy-poo are tying the knot: I’m the wrong person to ask — ask him.” Yeah, ’cause like, she’d only be the… bride?; The Stills fullfill the “white dudes” quota (Canadian at that!) in Complex magazine for this month.

INTERNET DATING IS SO LAST WEEK’S NEW YORK TIMES


There are several reasons why it sucks that The Modern Age isn’t updated in its former break-neck speed, but the most important reason is that we are no longer the premiere source for documenting the most recent example of how the New York Times is swimming in ridiculous shit. Today’s ridiculous shit comes with the declaration that Internet dating is so over. (We waited ALL DAY to post this.)

We of course were scoffing hysterically (is there such a thing?) upon seeing this. As you may remember, last week the Times devoted its magazine cover story to online dating. It’s almost like they wrote about it just so they could kill it the next week — the journalistic equivalent of the most popular girl in school running around in a cut-up Champion sweatshirt on a Tuesday, and then when you show up the next day in a similarly cut-up sweatshirt on Wednesday she snears, “Like ew, who would be caught DEAD in an outfit like THAT?,” during 7th period gym — right in front of Dan, the hottest guy in the 8th grade. Ohmigodyouwanttodie!

Next week’s featured article, “Internet Dating… for the Over 40… Wearing Trucker Caps, Yo.”