SUMMARY OF THE NEXT FOUR DAYS… BEFORE THEY HAPPEN
Tuesday: Marry Sondre Lerche
Wednesday: Marry Jack White
Thursday: Re-Marry Jack White
IS GAWKER THE MICROSOFT OF BLOGS?… BUT LIKE, WITHOUT THE MONEY PART?
Film at 11.
I SEE LONDON… DEAR LORD, I SEE EVERYTHING!
Looks like Natalie is riffling through Gwyneth Paltrow’s laundry basket (and she’s also made out of cardboard). Notice how the girl who used to put Band-Aids over her nipples now only puts them on her finger? Which is more disturbing, her nipplage or her 40-year-old woman makeup?
OH WHAT A LITTLE TAPE CAN DO!
The Paris Hilton Sex Tape has turned Paris Hilton into… a blushing heirhead???
“I feel embarrassed and humiliated, especially because my parents and the people who love me have been hurt… I was in an intimate relationship and never, ever thought that these things would become public.”
This saddens us. What happened to the slut we knew so well?
SOMEONE SHOOT US, WE ACTUALLY LIKE THIS
At first we thought this was the most useless piece of electrotrash we’ve read all day: A story about Black Moustache playing at Don Hill’s on the AP Wire. Why? Oh, and to make things more confusing, some dude in the band is named “Mike Skinner.” But then the unthinkable happened — we listened to some of their mp3s and… didn’t vomit all overourselves. We’ll admit it, their remix of Electric Six’s “Gay Bar” is actually listenable… unlike the original. And “Hot Monkey, Hot Ass” made us laugh. But by the time we reached “T.V. Slut” we were kinda over it… Quick, someone get us the new Peaches CD.
FATTIES NEED NOT APPLY
You know what this means… Not only is Jack White a control freak and a white supremacist, he’s a fattist (Link from Coaxme.org):
Zellwegger Dumped for “Bridget Baggage”
Actress Renee Zellwegger has split from rocker Jack White for good – because he hated her Bridget Jones’s Diary routine. The American star has piled on the pounds again to play the neurotic title character in upcoming sequel The Edge Of Reason – and her ‘becoming’ Bridget proved too much for edgy White Stripes frontman Jack, who’s finally walked away from their on-off relationship. Insiders say Jack was worried Renee’s middle-of-road Bridget persona would affect his own work, making him less dynamic. A source on the film’s set reveals, “It looks like it’s all over for Renee and Jack – and for good this time. Things have looked bleak for a while but there have been plenty of phone calls to give them hope, falsely as it now turns out. The bottom line is that Jack didn’t want to lose his creative edge. Cuddly nights in with piles of junk food are just not for him. He’s told her to get in touch after she’s finished this project and shed the Bridget baggage. Jack sees it as a lifestyle choice, that combined with the distance between them equals a temporary dead end. Renee thinks he’s just being shallow. There’s no way she’ll go back for more.” The pair met while filming Cold Mountain, the hotly-tipped Jude Law and Nicole Kidman film that was Jack’s Hollywood debut.