Fan Mail Gets Critical

A girl named Heidi wrote me saying I was a “retard.” Writes Heidi:

From: Heidi xxxxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, July 17, 2002 5:21 PM
To: laura
Subject: hey modernage retards

craig said “i heard the bassist of the who played this stage so it’s an honor”…not the b52s!! you guys are retarded.
see you tonight at the bowery ballroom.

Jesus, you get one quote fucked up and people you don’t even know are calling you a retard. I hope you don’t talk to your mom like that, because that’s not very nice, is it? I’m deaf, man… and no one ever said this shit was accurate. You try reading lips at a rock show and see how easy it is. My sign interpreter messed it up. It’s not the first time she’s pulled crap like that… there was that unfortunate incident when she mixed up “make out” with “take out” to some pretty disastrous results. Guy Berryman now has a fear of little white Chinese food boxes. That bitch is now fired. Anyway, my quote was much better, don’t you think? BECAUSE THE B-52’S ROCK HARDER THAN THE WHO!