I Went to a Strokes Show and All I Got Was…STABBED?!?!

Oh my lord. I just took my first sober shower since The Strokes show… and I now see I have a GIANT gash on my upper thigh/lower butt and a HOLE in my jeans near the rear pockets because of that girl that was ON TOP of poor Julie who was STABBING us with her broken drumstick/vampire-slayer steak. Oh my GOD. This is worse than that horrible bruise I got at the Hammerstein show! ROCK ‘N’ ROLL, man!